


Charms to Soothe

by TeaRoses



Category: Hellsing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-27
Updated: 2010-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-07 14:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/65973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaRoses/pseuds/TeaRoses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Walter helps Seras deal with her nightmares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Charms to Soothe

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 30_kisses community on LiveJournal for the prompt "radio-cassette player."

She was hiding in the churchyard, behind a gravestone, waiting for the child to pass by. It was a girl about eight years old, thin and wearing a pale blue dress. Seras jumped out, dark wings flapping behind her, and pinned the child to the ground. The girl struggled, begged, called for her mother. She only laughed and sank her fangs into her neck. The rich blood flowed into her mouth as the victim screamed. Opening her mouth wide, she drank greedily as the child's cries and movements weakened.

Seras's eyes flew open and she was staring at her coffin lid. She opened it immediately and sat up, bending her knees and wrapping her arms around them. These dreams were unbearable. If this wouldn't stop how could she ever sleep?

She was still sitting there, shaking and trying not to cry, when she heard a knock at the door.

"Hello?" she called out.

Walter's voice answered. "Just delivering blood."

"Oh!" She turned and sat on the edge of the bed. "Come in."

The door opened slowly and he entered.

"I didn't wake you did I?" he asked.

"No, I only slept for a few minutes."

"I haven't slept much myself. Iscariot interfered in one of Alucard's emergency assignments again. They wounded two of the soldiers with him. I was on the phone with the Vatican for hours. But I didn't mean to disturb you. I'll just leave this here."

"No, it's all right. You see, I've been having these nightmares and--"

She stopped herself.

"Nightmares?" he asked, sounding concerned.

Walter had been kind to her many times, and she was tempted to tell him her problem even though there was no real way he could help.

"Yes, they're not letting me sleep. But I won't go on about them. You probably don't have time right now, with your duties."

"Well, helping you is part of my duties. And in any case I have the day free after this."

If anyone could handle hearing about this, surely he could. He had been through the war himself, and both seen and done violence not known to most people.

"It's hard for me to explain. Sometimes I dream I'll be killed. I never know who they are, but they speak of being enemies of Hellsing. And they always torture me first, to see how much it would take to kill me. I'm not as indestructible as Master, but they cut me and--" she gestured to her abdomen. "I can see everything, and somehow in the dream I'm feeling all the pain."

Walter sat down beside her on the edge of the coffin bed.

"I'm very sorry. That must be horrible for you. I suppose vampires have worse nightmares than the rest of us. And in any case you've been through so much in a short time here."

"There's nothing I can do. Even my master can't completely control his dreams."

"I don't know if it's any consolation but you're a much stronger fighter than that. In reality Hellsing's enemies are probably growing weaker, while you are growing stronger."

Seras nodded. There were probably were ways to feel better about the dreams where she was the victim. The other nightmares were the real torture.

"Those aren't even the worst of the dreams though. But I... I shouldn't tell you."

He put a hand on her shoulder and she sat with speaking, feeling the unexpected touch.

"Tell me whatever you like, Seras."

She leaned against him slightly.

"Sometimes I'm killing people. Not vampires, but humans. Defenseless humans. I rip their throats out and I enjoy it. Tonight it was a little girl." She buried her face in her hands.

Walter put an arm around her.

"I'm frightened. And I hate what I've become."

"You're frightened because you know you don't really want to kill those people or do those things."

"I want blood," she said bluntly.

He nodded.

"I got so excited watching Alucard kill that reporter. I ran for the bag of blood; I needed it so badly. And I still drink almost every day since."

"You are a vampire, Seras Victoria, and you feed on blood. But Sir Integral allowed Alucard to kill the reporter. Even he has some measure of control, even if it's imposed by her. And you are not what he is and never will be."

"All vampires--"

"Not all are Alucard. Helena lived quietly for years, and we allowed her to. I don't envy your unlife, Seras. I won't lie to you. But you do not have to be savage or murder children. And Hellsing will be here, with our bags of blood."

Seras's shoulders were still shaking, and she felt weak. Walter reached out with his other hand and gathered her into his arms. He had never held her before. She liked the feeling, and she liked the fact that he was not afraid to touch her. As for her, she knew the scent of his blood but any urge to bite him was buried very deeply. She felt comfort, not conflict.

They sat like that for several minutes, then Walter let her go gently and got up.

"I need to let you sleep now, Miss Seras."

"I still don't know if I can," she replied.

"I have an idea, actually. It may not help much. But I'll be right back."

He left, and Seras sat and waited until she heard another knock at the door. When she invited him in she saw that he was carrying a large radio. She looked at him curiously.

"The radio reception down here is quite poor of course," he said. "But this is a cassette player also, and I brought you some tapes."

She watched as he set it on the table and plugged it into the outlet near her bed. "I don't want to take your music away," she said.

"Oh no. I've had a CD player for some time now. And I should buy you one as well, but meanwhile I hope you'd like to use this."

He put a tape into the recorder and turned it on. Seras listened as gentle violin music played.

"I brought you some classical music. These are some composers I find soothing when I'm upset."

Seras contemplated for a moment what it must take to make Walter upset. She couldn't picture anything. The music played on, and she could see why he found it soothing. It made her think of nature and fields, and had no dark undertones.

"This is good," she said. "Though I'm afraid I don't know much about classical music."

"I'm no expert either. But these are a few particular works, by Bach, and Vivaldi, and Grieg, that I like. You're welcome to keep them. You can even set it to keep playing while you're asleep."

"I think it really might help me," she said. "Though I don't know if it will keep the nightmares away. But what is it they say? 'Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast.'"

Walter smiled. "You got it right. Most people say beast."

"I don't know what it's from though. Shakespeare?"

"Many people think that, too. But it's William Congreve. The Mourning Bride."

"Ah, well, I never really completed my education," said Seras.

Walter walked over and sat down next to her. "Neither did I. But I read a great deal. And I've won many a pub wager on that Congreve quote."

She laughed. He put his arm around her again.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"A little. But when I close my eyes I keep seeing that girl's face."

She wondered if he still wanted to leave. He had said he had the day off, but if he hadn't slept either he must be exhausted. Still, she felt like she needed him.

She turned tentatively and buried her head in his shoulder. "Don't go yet," she said.

"I'll stay," he replied, drawing her close.

He rocked her back and forth gently and she sat there, slowly relaxing. The sound of the violins was still giving her peaceful images, and it was hard to feel upset in his arms. As the tension left her body she realized she no longer saw the girl or had the same stark fear of the dreams. Her eyes were closed, and she felt herself drifting off to sleep.

"I can't fall asleep like this..." she murmured, her voice muffled by his shirt.

"You may if you like."

She slowly began to change position but did not let go of him. "Please, stay," she murmured as she lay down.

She was grateful when she felt him lie down as well. The music kept playing; she kept her eyes closed. The next thing she saw was an old house with broken windows. The garden was full of overgrown weeds and Seras was hiding in them. She knew someone was there, and that when they came out she would chase them.

But then, before anything else happened, she suddenly felt her consciousness come back. She woke up fully and opened her eyes. She was still lying in her open coffin bed of course, with Walter asleep beside her. His arm was around her waist, and she could feel his breathing.

She could still hear the music, something soft with harpsichords. It reminded her of a beautiful drawing room with unworried people listening to a concert. Walter's body felt warm and welcome next to her. Turning a little, she saw his face. Relaxation smoothed the lines on his forehead slightly, but he looked protective even in his sleep. Seras was suddenly certain she would never forget this moment, the sound of the old instruments and the feeling that someone was keeping her safe.

She reached out and touched his cheek. His eyelids fluttered open and he began to sit up. She shook her head and said "I'm all right," and cuddled against him. He lay back, smiling slightly, and closed his eyes. Seras smiled also and relaxed again. She was certain now that she would sleep in peace until evening.


End file.
